The terrorist shooting in San Bernardino on Dec. 2 that claimed 14 lives was a 22-hour ordeal for Ryan Reyes and his family, ranging from hope to despair and ending with the nightmare that his boyfriend of nearly three years, Daniel Kaufman, was one of the people killed in the attack.

Reyes, who has lived in Rialto for most of his life, shared his experiences and living through that heartache in a talk with Cal State San Bernardino students.

“Some days I can handle it, other days I can’t,” Reyes told the students.

Reyes had been invited by Brian Levin, a professor in the CSUSB criminal justice department and director of the university’s Center for the Study of Hate and Extremism, to speak to two of his classes – Terrorism in the 21st Century and criminal procedures.

Instead of the typical guest lecture before the classroom full of students, it was more of a conversation between the two men – Levin would ask questions, and Reyes talked about his life growing up in Rialto, his experiences as a teenager, as a young adult and his life with Kaufman.

“It would have been three years in January” that the two men would have been together, said Reyes.

He talked about speaking out against intolerance and bigotry toward Muslims and other religious groups since the December shooting.

“You shouldn’t hate anybody based on their beliefs,” said Reyes, who added that his beliefs are pretty simple. “We have one true law, and that’s do no harm and love people. Period.”

At a memorial service for the victims a few days after the attack, Reyes was approached by three neighbors who represented the Islamic community and wanted to offer their condolences and their support.

“I don’t understand why people hate Muslims,” said Reyes who began speaking in public about tolerance after hearing anti-Muslim rhetoric.

According to the Center for the Study of Hate and Extremism, the number of hate crimes toward Muslims in the United States had nearly tripled following the terrorist attacks in San Bernardino and in Paris on Nov. 13, Levin said.

Reyes’ comments came to the attention of President Obama, who invited Reyes to the State of the Union address in January. Reyes sat with First Lady Michelle Obama as the president spoke about the nation working together.

The day of the shooting started off uneventful, Reyes recalled. He had driven Kaufman to the Inland Regional Center, where he worked at the coffee shop in building 3, training developmentally disabled clients. Kaufman had worked there about five years.

Reyes drove home to get ready for a doctor’s appointment and, as was their custom, the two men traded phone texts and pictures.

The last message they traded was shortly after 10:30 a.m. About an hour later, a relative sent Reyes a text message asking if Kaufman worked at the Inland Regional Center.

Reyes turned on the television and saw the reports He instantly called his boyfriend, but received no response. He left voice mail imploring Kaufman to call him back.

A reply never came.

For the next 22 hours, Reyes and family members waited for news. They heard reports that Kaufman had survived, but had been wounded and was in an area hospital, but they couldn’t confirm it. Reyes visited several hospitals with no luck.

He and family members went to a center set up for families of the victims, where they would be briefed by authorities. Still no word.

They gave a physical description of Kaufman to authorities. When they still received no news, Reyes went home. The next morning, Reyes received a call from Kaufman’s aunt that the coroner’s office had come to her home with news of her nephew. She said the coroner could come to his home. Reyes agreed.

The coroner’s office confirmed the worst. His boyfriend of nearly three years had been killed.

Since that time, Reyes has been in the process of healing. He has taken up writing and baking and will occasionally plays video games to work out his feelings of aggression.

“Enjoy every day,” Reyes told the students. “Focus on what matters.”